Thursday, September 29, 2005

worry?

I should be more worried about my kidney right now, but I can't help worry about the state of the Cards going into the playoffs. Carp has been roughed up, and Pujols is struggling too.

Let's dissect the Cy Young race.

Honestly, I don't know if Carpenter is the choice or Willis. Willis leads in wins and ERA, but Carpenter leads in just about everything else. Even though Willis has 22 wins, he has 10 losses against Carpenter's 5.
If one looks at only Wins and ERA, then Dontrelle is your man. If one looks at everything else in addition to that, then Carp gets the nod.
What about Carpenter's bad September? Both have had a bad month; Willis in July
(23ER and 7.14 ERA, plus his last outing) and Carpenter in September (24ER and 5.73 ERA)

.................Willis........Carpenter...................Advantage
Wins.............22............21..........................Willis
Losses...........10............5...........................Carpenter
Winning %........688...........808.........................Carpenter
ERA..............2.59..........2.83........................Willis
K's..............158...........213.........................Carpenter
Games............33............33..........................Tied
Complete games...7.............7...........................Tied
Shutouts.........5.............4...........................Willis
Ks/9.............6.20..........7.93........................Carpenter
K/BB.............2.9...........4.18........................Carpenter
Innings Pitched..229.1.........241.2.......................Carpenter
Walks............53............51..........................Carpenter
WHIP.............1.12..........1.06........................Carpenter
OBA .............290............273........................Carpenter


But we don't need to get wrapped up in awards voted by sportswriters. It's all about the playoffs.

Here we go!

*******SIDE NOTE********
Don't get me started on Andruw Jones for MVP. I have one stat that shows why...
Batting average with runners in scoring position???
.206
.206!!!!!!!!!!!

My MVP is Lee or Pujols.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

ryne-o!

Spirit of St. Louis
By Ryne Sandberg, Yahoo! Sports
September 28, 2005

MVP: Albert Pujols
It's about time this guy wins an MVP award. The St. Louis Cardinals first baseman has been one of baseball's most dominant hitters the last five years while improving his defense every season. Pujols is batting .330 with 39 home runs and 110 RBIs. Also, when Scott Rolen went down with a shoulder injury, Pujols picked up the slack for the Cardinals.

Cy Young: Chris Carpenter
The Cardinals right-hander ranks second in wins (21) and fourth in ERA (2.71), and is tied for first in complete games (seven) and tied for second in innings pitched (235.2). It's surprising to me that he also has 207 strikeouts (third in the NL) because he's not that type of pitcher. He'll spot his fastball on the corners and change speeds as much as possible with sinkers down in the zone. Carpenter was impressive during a 13-game win streak from June 14 to Sept. 8, throwing at least seven innings and allowing fewer than three earned runs in every start.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

mom? can i get the HIV plush doll? pleeeeease?!?

I was in 7th grade science class today looking at a catalog for science teachers. In this catalog, there are numerous different activities, models, and other types of *cool* and *awesome* things for teachers. I got to one page, which advirtised GIANT Microbes!
Stuffed toys.

Yes, that's right. Now you can have a stuffed toy of your favorite germ! Some of the germs that are available (and I'm not kidding) are...
HIV, Ghonorrea, Ulcer, Ebola, The Common Cold, The Flu, Sore Throat, Stomach Ache, Cough, Ear Ache, Bad Breath, Kissing Disease, Athlete's Foot, Ulcer, Martian Life, Beer & Bread, Black Death, Ebola, Flesh Eating, Sleeping Sickness, Dust Mite, Bed Bug, and Bookworm.

Here's a quote from the catalog...
"We make stuffed animals that look like tiny microbes—only a million times actual size! These dangerous (but cute) germs can engage your students in learning about germs. They'll love how soft they feel!"

Giant Microbe Ebola Plush - $6.99


Giant Microbe HIV Plush - $6.99

Monday, September 26, 2005

predictions...

ALDS
-------------
Angels over White Sox (in 3)
Indians over Yankees (in 5)

NLDS
-------------
Braves over Astros (in 4)
Cardinals over Padres (in 5)

ALCS
-------------
Indians over Angels (in 7)

NLCS
-------------
Cardinals over Braves (in 6)


World Series

-------------
Cardinals over Indians (in 7)

Friday, September 23, 2005

This is an article from this weeks, "The Onion". Well worth the read...

Oprah Stuns Audience With Free Man Giveaway

CHICAGO—The season premiere of The Oprah Winfrey Show unleashed a surprise for viewers Monday, when host Winfrey presented her studio audience with an unexpected gift: eligible men.

"Everybody gets a man! Everybody gets a man!" said Winfrey, almost drowned out by cries of disbelief as 276 men, one for every member of the studio audience, filed onto the Oprah set.

Hoping to top last year's season-debut surprise, when members of the studio audience received free cars, Winfrey watched elated as the men knelt before their awestruck new mates and delivered gallant kisses and professions of undying affection.

"Signed, sealed, delivered... they're yours!" Winfrey said.

Hand-picked by Winfrey and her staff, the men range in age from 29 to 63 and were described by assistant producer Sally Heffernan-Ross as "great catches" with semi-professional to professional careers and stable personalities.

"Oprah showed it can happen: You can get that man of your dreams, or at least of your minimal expectations," Heffernan-Ross said.

The men, dressed in fresh chinos and polo shirts and bearing single red roses and gift baskets from Bath & Body Works, emerged moments after audience members were instructed to reach beneath their chairs, where they found inlaid boxes containing keys.

The keys, Winfrey explained, unlocked the doors to the men's individual domiciles.

"He's yours! He's completely yours!" Winfrey said to one speechless young woman who appeared stunned by what was going on around her. Assuring "no months of awkward dating" or "questions over who's going to make the first move," Winfrey said her man giveaway had totally eliminated the guesswork of romance.

The men Winfrey gave away are guaranteed to enjoy snuggling, to find the few extra pounds gained over time "cute," and to have read at least three books by the poet Maya Angelou.

"Oh, I love Maya," said one of the giveaway men, 32-year-old electrical engineer Doug Jefferson, who also enjoys warm, comfy sweaters. "I think she's very brave. Heck, I love poetry in general. Who doesn't?"

Winfrey had to reassure several of the more timid studio-audience members.

"Don't worry, ladies, they won't be going anywhere," Winfrey said. "Kiss him! Give his behind a little squeeze! It's okay—he's your man!"

As with 2004's Pontiac G6 giveaway, the man giveaway came as a complete surprise to audience members, many of whom said the men arrived just in time.

"I was beginning to think it was never, ever going to happen," said Karla Drozdowicz, 34, an unmarried bank teller from Superior, WI who won radio-sales executive Chris Iredell. "I'm totally thrilled to get Chris. He's not what I imagined from my romance stories, but I'll love him just the same."

Another audience member, Gwendolyn Havers, said her years of watching Oprah instead of dating had "finally paid off."

"My mom says my 'wallflower' personality keeps me from meeting men," Havers said. "Well, if I wasn't such an Oprah fan, I wouldn't have gotten tickets to her show, and I wouldn't have won [part-time assistant tech-support manager] Eric [Fitzgerald]."

Heffernan-Ross said the audience members were selected from a pool of "hundreds of thousands of single, lonely women" who had put in requests for show tickets.

"Unlike the selection process for the men, finding unattached women was very easy," Heffernan-Ross said. "All we had to do was stick our hands in a big barrel of letters, and voilá, our perfect audience."

Harpo Productions, Winfrey's production company, assured the winners that their prizes are guaranteed to "be into [them]" through 2010, and agreed to pay all local and state taxes relating to the men, as well. However, federal income tax and expenses such as meals, movie tickets, motel stays, teddy bears, plush slippers, and commitment rings will not be covered.

Audience member Karen Schoenegge, 38, who was awarded 41-year-old collections-department supervisor John Zimmerman, said several drawbacks have emerged since the show's taping.

"Well, as soon as we got back to the hotel, I found out that John doesn't give backrubs," Schoenegge said. "He's also weird about me walking in the bathroom to pee while he's in the shower. I mean, it's not like I'm looking at him. He needs to loosen up a little. But I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. I really, really needed a new man."

The seven audience members who declined their men, saying that they were too insecure about their weight to feel confident in a romantic relationship, were instead treated to all-expenses-paid weekends at the Omni Hotel in downtown Chicago.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

boston public

A run-down of my students today...

Situation 1... A student got a "strike" for talking in her class. She then throws down her binder on the floor and starts yelling at the teacher. She sits on the floor and won't move until Mr. Cox is called in.

Situation 2... Another student was in class and called the teacher a F*^$ing B*&%H. Sent down to the office.

Situation 3... Another student was in class when a peer said, "This sucks!" In reference to an assignment. The teacher said, "Excuse me. We don't curse in here". My student chimed in and said, "Aww. That aint' cussin. I'll show you cusssin. SH$#! Fu%$! D&^%!"

Situation 4... One of my other students stabbed another student in the arm with his pencil.

Situation 5...I heard a lot of yelling and laughing coming out of a room down the hall. I walked down there to find girl and a boy in a fight. What where they doing? Well, all the desks were pushed to the side, and the girl had the boy in some kind of hold while biting his arm. Finally, I got the students separated and had to hold the girl while another teacher had to grab the boy and get him out.


YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

ehhhem?

I walked into 7th grade matt class yesterday. Nothing new. Just going to the class where a couple of my students are. One of my students sits in the back row in front of windows which overlook the playground. 3 stories up.
So I walk in the room, and the student (not knowing I just walked in) stood up, and proclamed to the class...
"I'm going to throw this book out the window now!"

He then proceeded to throw the book out the window.
Down three stories, to the playground.

He then turned around, sat quietly in his seat, and started on his math work. I was still on the opposite side of the room, when I then said...
"ehhhem?!?!?!"
He looked at me with wide eyes, and I gave him the pointer finger "come hither" motion. He looked around, because surely I wasn't gesturing towards him, right?!!?
He slowly got up, and walked towards me. We then proceeded to go into the hall where Mr. Cox ripped him a new one.

Monday, September 19, 2005

i've got your prague right here...

Here are some pro's and cons for going to a wedding with your wife all weekend.

Cons
-----
-Sitting through wedding rehearsal
-Sitting at the reception at the table that was clearly the "umm...I don't know where to put all these 6 random people, so I'll just throw them all to the same table" table.
-Sitting in the upper level of a two-story reception hall and not being able to see any of the action down below.
-Eating mushroom-stuffed chicken for dinner

Pros
-----
-Hot looking wife
-Hot looking wife
-Hot looking wife



Matt's going to Prague this week, and flying first-class.
Ohhhhh...we're all very impressed.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

clinching it...wrigley style


Get ready to see this (minus Roger Cedeno, thank goodness, and Rolen) at a Wrigley Field near you.






Today I head north to watch the St. Louis Cardinals baseball club play a game against the Chicago Cubs.
I get to visit again, the Worlds Best Baseball Stadium Ever Created In The Universe.
A stadium just filled to the brim of History.
The place where history has happened such as...
Moises Alou slamming down his glove in a pout.
Sammy Sosa sliding/diving for fly balls that he should have caught on his feet.
Sammy Sosa's homerun jump that was transferred to Derrek Lee
Alex Gonzalez's botched double play ball
The Goat
The Black Cat

Oh, what great History

Anyway, with a little bit of luck, and a whole lot of Corey Patterson, I might get to see the Cardinals clinch the division tonight. That would be the same division that after their 105 win season, the critics said, "Oh, the Cardinals won't be near as good next year. The Cubs will be fighting neck and neck with them for the Central".
I get to see Mark Prior (best pitcher ever, 3.64ERA) vs. Jeff Suppan (#4 starter, 3.69ERA) dual it out. This will be my 4th Cardinals game this year, and 4th time seeing Suppan.

Chris Carpenter, please?

Monday, September 12, 2005

best morning ever

Today I walked into the teacher's lounge to put my lunch in the fridge. I saw out of the corner of my eye, something awesome.
The most ridiculous act of cheapness the likes I have ever seen. George Costanza would be proud of this.

On the vending machine, there was a napkin with writing on it that was pushed over a button on there to say on. On the napkin, it read:

"The Fritos that are stuck are Linda's."

I would have LOVED to seen this whole event on tape...

Linda, in eager anticipation putting her 65 cents into the machine.
Pointing up to the Fritos bag.
Taking note that it was code B14.
Dragging her pointer finger all the way from B14 to the key pad.
Punching in B14.
Waiting for the turnstyles to release her Fritos.
Seeing her eyes open wide as her beloved Fritos get stuck.
She starts shaking the machine.
She starts talking to the machine.
"C'mon" she says.
"C'monnnnnn!"
She goes over to the door in hopes of finding someone stronger than her to help her shake harder.
No one.
She stands in silence.
She puts her hands on her hips. Thinking.
In an act of desperation, she grabs a nearby napkin, and her trusty Sharpie.
She writes down, "The Fritos that are stuck are Linda's"
She pushes the napkin over a button so as to hang it from the machine.
She leaves in pain.
She leaves in anger.
After paying 65 whole cents, she leaves with only hopes that soon she will receive the Fritos that she rightly deserves.
She will get those Fritos.


I wanted more than anything to buy the Fritos and put them in her mailbox.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

UMCOR

We received an e-mail from my mother last night telling us that my father is going down to help serve the hurricane victims. He got connected through UMCOR, because he's a Methodist pastor. He tried getting some people to go down with him, but nobody was able to go.
They said that because he will be by himself, that they will most likely send him all the way to the coast. Please pray for him. Pray that he be safe from the small % of people down there who are idiots, pray for protection from the bacteria and viruses that are spreading due to the dead bodies everywhere, pray for his car to be not broken into.

If you are looking to give $ to the hurricane, I encourage to look at UMCOR (United Methodist Committee On Relief). When one gives to Red Cross or Salvation Army, a percentage of what you give goes to administrative costs (which they have to do, of course). When you give to UMCOR, 100% goes straight to the cause. The administrative costs are already paid for by church Conference apportionments.

We are pretty worried, but also very proud.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

24.

I'm really not one to talk about my birthday. I mean, when I turned 18 and Cigarrets, Lotto, Gambling, and Porn all became readily accesible to me, who needs to celebrate another birthday, huh?

When talking with my accountibility group this week, we got on the subject of the 5 Love Languages. It was discussed that my secondary language is "Gifts".
Ahhhh yes.
How selfish.
Upon talking about this Ahrens piped up and said, "you know, Matt House put his Amazon wish list up on his website around his birthday. I loved it! It was so easy! I didn't have to shop around or anything. Just point and click! Bang!! Bang!!"

Okay, he didn't say the "bang" part.

So, here is my Amazon wish list.

Remind me if I forgot anything.
Thank you.

whoa.

So, when I don't post for a summer, I get people on here saying things like...

"holy snap - I nned more My Turn than this. I'll be back a lot to bug you until you post again. COUNT ON IT. Also, you know I gotta agree with the first post."

and

"I comment again, in a formal act of protest against the lack of new posts.

WHAT DO WE WANT? NEW POSTS!

WHEN DO WE WANT 'EM? NOW!!!!"

and

"If September passes without a post, I can't be responsible for what happens..."

and

"The things I would do for a good new blog..."

So, I have been posting new things up, and getting very little response. I've been going to my fellow bloggers and posting. AT, thank you for your continued loyalty. Maybe instead of posting on The Internet for the entire galaxy to see, I'll just start sending you personal e-mail blogs.

You're the only one who really appreciates me.
Never change.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Preach it.

Listen to this.

It's worth the 10 minutes. Trust me.
I'm a *pro-life* guy. Some people say they are pro-life, but support the death penalty. As chief editor of Sojourners and author of the book, God's Politics, Jim Wallis says, it's hypercritical. If you say you are pro-life, you have to go all the way.

Today I am making an exception.

When I heard that the National Guard has been given orders to shoot to kill anyone in New Orleans that were a threat, I was in support. It absolutely makes me sick to my stomach that in the midst of all this tragedy that is still going on, there are some low-life thugs who are raping women and children, shooting at police, hijacking ambulances, and patrolling the Superdome with guns and killing people.

Hey, W. We've got some terrorists and "evil doers" right here in your own back yard.

The thing that I think gets me most is idea that people could act like this any where in our country. Why should we be naive enough to think that for some reason, only in New Orleans there are people like this. What if this happened in Chicago? Los Angeles? St. Louis? Maybe I'm just little innocent Jerry, but I honestly never thought that that many humans in this country could stoop THAT low.
Am I against the death-penalty?
Yes.
But in those cases, you can seclude someone for the rest of their life. They are of no or little harm to anyone else. But when there are people standing in the way of other people's help for their lives??

My heart hasn’t' been broken from a natural disaster like this before. I've felt like I've had a cold heart. But I am literally sick to my stomach thinking about these low-life’s who are standing in the way of someone else's aide.

God, your people need you.